


Dank Memes 4 Edgy Teens

by chenchan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, Jongin hates everyone, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oh Sehun is a Little Shit, Texting, There is literally no plot, baekhyun and minseok will appear later, chatfic, everyone is a little shitbag, except yixing, i dont blame him, it's ot9 i'm sorry, kind of?, there might be a plot?, this is a mess, yixing is pure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenchan/pseuds/chenchan
Summary: Yeollie: bet 20 quid i can shove my dick in this coconutMommaBear: chanyeol whySatansoo: everyday when i wake upSatansoo: i think to myselfSatansoo: what in the fRESH FUCK is chanyeol going to do todayJongdamn: at least you’re never disappointedSatansoo: I’m always disappointed when it comes to chanyeolJongin is not so secretly pining after Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo is not so secretly pining after Jongin, Sehun is a little shit, Yixing just wants what's best for everybody, meanwhile Chanyeol just wants to know if jellyfish can feel love.Or, the exo chatfic that nobody asked for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello hello  
> i should start off by saying a lot of the content in this fic has been inspired by exo crack posts on tumblr, there is very little plot and i can 100% guarantee you none of this will make sense.  
> enjoy!

Groupchat: **D** **ank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Yeollie** added **Jongdamn, Nini, MommaBear, Xingbunny, Senshine**

 **Senshine:** what the fuck

 **Yeollie:** so i was thinking and

 **Senshine:** why the fuck

 **Senshine:** are you thinking

 **Senshine:** at 1am

 **Yeollie:**  do u guys think jellyfish feel love

 **MommaBear:** chanyeol for the love of god

 **MommaBear:** go the fuck to sleep

 **Yeollie:** seriously tho

 **Yeollie:** do jellyfish feel love

 **Yeollie:** bc if i was a jellyfish i’d wanna feel love

 **Senshine:** I didn’t sign up for this

 **Senshine:** is it too much to ask for some beauty sleep

 **Jongdamn:** well u definitely need it

 **Senshine:** is this a personal attack

 **Senshine:** this feels like a personal attack

 **Yeollie:** daaaaaaeee broooooo

 **Jongdamn:** broooooooo

 **Yeollie:** broooooooo

 **Jongdamn:** broooooooo

 **Nini:** one more bro and i will personally burn down both of your apartments

 **Jongdamn:** well someone’s been spending too much time with kyungsoo

 **Senshine:** speaking of kyungsoo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Nini:** sehun no

 **Senshine:** sehun yes

 **Nini:** why are you like this

 **Senshine:** listen

 **Senshine:** if i’m gonna be tortured to death by chanyeol’s bullshit i at least want to know someone will serve justice and torture him equally once i’m gone

 **Senshine:** that and it’s fun to watch you suffer

 **Nini:** i do not _suffer_ because of kyungsoo

 **Jongdamn:** i’d like to interrupt and say yes, yes u do

 **Nini:** i do not

 **MommaBear:** jonginnie, sweetie, you do

 **MommaBear:** just earlier today you choked on your bubble tea because you found out he was wearing penguin socks

 **Nini:** it was a _surprise_ i was _shocked_

 **Jongdamn:** you spent the next hour obsessing about “he’s just so cute, he wears penguin socks ohmygod how can someone be so cute, penguin socks, dae, PENGUIN SOCKS”

 **Xingbunny:** well it does sound kind of cute

 **Nini:** thE ONLY ONE WHO SPEAKS SOME SENSE

 **Nini:** THANK YOU YIXING <3

 **Xingbunny:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Xingbunny:** also i did a bit of research

 **Xingbunny:** and from what i read, i don’t think jellyfish can feel love

 **Xingbunny:** or anything for that matter :(

 **Yeollie:**...sounds like kyungsoo

 **Senshine:** wrong. he regularly feels the wrath of a thousand suns

 **Senshine:** and the desire to make me suffer

 **Yeollie:** satansoo so angry

 **MommaBear:** i think it’s safe to say kyungsoo makes us all suffer

 **Jongdamn:** especially jongin

 **Nini:** i do nOT SUFFER BECAUSE OF KYUNGSOO

 

\---

 

 **Senshine:** hey fun idea lets add kyungsoo to the chat

 **Nini:** better idea lets not do that

 **Senshine:** best idea i’m adding him and you dont get a say

 **Nini:** new idea fuck off

 **Yeollie:** nini pulling out the big guns

 **Nini:** you too chanyeol

 **Yeollie:** i didnt ask for this abuse

 **MommaBear:** jongin play nice

 **Xingbunny:** maybe we should take a vote on it

 **Xingbunny:** not that i dont like kyungsoo but if nini is going to be uncomfortable with him here then maybe he shouldn’t join so my vote is no

 **Nini:** this is why i love you xing

 **Xingbunny:** ヽ(〃＾▽＾〃)ﾉ

 **Yeollie:** i say we add him

 **Nini:** chanyeol you tRAITOR

 **Yeollie:** what u get for throwing that punk ass attitude at me boi

 **Nini:** next time i’ll throw my fuckin fISTS INSTEAD (ノÒ益Ó)ノ彡▔▔▏

 **Xingbunny:** please dont fight (゜д゜)

 **MommaBear:** i personally dont see the problem in adding him

 **Nini:** junmyeon i

 **Nini:** i thought i could trust you

 **Senshine:** well bitch u thought wrong

 **Senshine:** and if i count correctly that means its three against two so

 **Senshine** added **Satansoo** to the chat.

 **Satansoo:** uh

 **Satansoo:** why am i here

 **Nini** left the chat.

 **Satansoo:**???

 **Yeollie:** lmao

 **Senshine** added **Nini** to the chat.

 **Senshine:** not so fast

 **Nini:** when will my suffering end

 **Satansoo:** are you okay jongin?

 **Yeollie:** he’s fine just ignore him

 **Satansoo:** okay??

 **Xingbunny:** guys

 **MommaBear:** yeah yixing?

 **Xingbunny:** did nobody notice jongdae hasn’t voted yet?

 **Nini:** HA SEE IT COULD END IN A TIE THEN WHAT HA DIDN’T THINK OF THAT DID YOU SEHUN

 **Senshine:** jongdae wasn’t here for the voting so his vote doesn’t count

 **Satansoo:** wait voting on what

 **Senshine:** it doesn’t matter now bc the vote was 3/2 which means i won

 **Senshine:** and he’s here now so it’s not like we can just remove him

 **Senshine:** also i want to watch jongin suffer some more so

 **Senshine:** he stays

 **Satansoo:** wait are you guys talking about me

 **Satansoo:** did you seriously vote on adding me here?

 **Yeollie:** maybe

 **Xingbunny:** only to make it fair!

 **Satansoo:** do i even want to know why

 **MommaBear:** well…

 **Nini:** guys dont

 **Nini:** please

 **Nini:** dont make me beg

 **Xingbunny:** okay guys maybe we should stop now

 **Yeollie:** jongin’s been thirsting after you for like a year so we decided to add you to the chat so he could finally man up and talk to you

 **Senshine:** but instead he’s being a little bitch baby and complaining

 **Satansoo:** i

 **Satansoo:** is that true jongin?

 **Nini:** they’re just being idiots, soo

 **Nini:** you know we’re just friends (◠﹏◠✿)

 **Satansoo:** oh

 **Satansoo:** i mean yeah of course i do haha

 **Mommabear:** oh dear

 **Yeollie:** it hurts to watch


	2. Chapter 2

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Yeollie:** bet 20 quid i can shove my dick in this coconut

 **MommaBear:** chanyeol why

 **Satansoo:** everyday when i wake up

 **Satansoo:** i think to myself

 **Satansoo:** what in the fRESH FUCK is chanyeol going to do today

 **Jongdamn:** at least you’re never disappointed

 **Satansoo:** I’m always disappointed when it comes to chanyeol

 **Senshine:** yo yeol fckn do it

 **Senshine:** pussy

 **Yeollie:** yo oh i fckn will

 **Yeollie:** pussy

 **Xingbunny:** uh yeollie i don’t think that’s a good idea

 **Senshine:** what are you saying yixing

 **Senshine:** it’s a great idea

 **Jongdamn:** i mean

 **Jongdamn:** people fuck fruit all the time so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Xingbunny:** yes but this is a coconut we’re talking about

 **Senshine:** dam u right

 **Senshine:** how he gonna get it in

 **Jongdamn:** he could drill a hole in it?

 **Senshine:** i thought that was what he was trying to do anyway ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Xingbunny:** you two are the worst

 **MommaBear:** Chanyeol, please do not fuck the coconut

 **MommaBear:** or any fruit for that matter

 **Yeollie:** uR A FRUIT

 **Satansoo:** is that a subtle way of saying you want to fuck junmyeon

 **MommaBear:** dear god please no

 **Jongdamn:** can u coconot

 **Senshine:** jongdae end yourself

 **Yeollie:** sorry myeon, ur not my type

 **Yeollie:** i prefer my men round and grown on trees

 **MommaBear:** well that’s a relief

 **Xingbunny:** is it though, i mean he literally wants to have sex with a coconut

 **Senshine:** xing how many times

 **Senshine:** it is a fantastic idea

 **Yeollie:** we will have beautiful coconut babies

 **Jongdamn:** i call god father

 **Senshine:** rude, i was the one to encourage him so i should be god father

 **Jongdamn:** but who’s his bestest bro

 **Jongdamn:** i think u will find it is me

 **Senshine:** i heLPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN I HAVE MORE OF A RIGHT

 **MommaBear:** you guys are literally fighting over imaginary hybrid human/coconut babies

 **Jongdamn:** hoW DARE U CALL MY GOD CHILDREN IMAGINARY

 **Satansoo:** Have I ever told you guys I hate you all?

 **Senshine:** repeatedly

 **Jongdamn:** all the time

 **Satansoo:** good, just making sure you knew

 **Xingbunny:** even me, soo? (◕︵◕)

 **Satansoo:** no xing, you’re good

 **Xingbunny:** ヾ(＠＾▽＾＠)ﾉ

 **Nini:** wait

 **Satansoo:**???

 **Nini:** do you hate me too?

 **Yeollie:** the fact u came online just to check he doesn’t hate u

 **Satansoo:** oh um

 **Satansoo:** no i

 **Satansoo:** uh

 **Satansoo:** i guess you’re cool haha

 **Nini:** oh

 **Nini:** okay haha that’s good

 **Nini:** i mean i guess

 **Senshine:** the amount of awkward im feeling rn

 **Nini:** what? why are you feeling awkward?

 **Jongdamn:** i have no idea (ಠ_ಠ)

 

\---

 

 **Xingbunny:** hey guys?

 **Nini:** hey!

 **MommaBear:** hey yixing, what’s up?

 **Senshine:** you okay xing?

 **Xingbunny:** doesn’t it bother you that certain animals don’t know other animals exist?

 **Jongdamn:** what

 **Senshine:** uh

 **Xingbunny:** I mean

 **Xingbunny:** doesn’t it make you sad thinking about how dolphins don’t know cats exist?

 **Xingbunny:** or polar bears not knowing that monkeys exist?

 **MommaBear:** can’t say i’ve ever given it much thought

 **Jongdamn:** sounds like something yeol would say

 **Nini:** it is pretty sad though o(╥﹏╥)o

 **Xingbunny:** i’m super sad now

 **Xingbunny:** i think i need a cuddle

 **MommaBear:** I’m sorry xingie I cant come cuddle right now :(

 **Xingbunny:** that’s okay myeon <3

 **Senshine:** i uh

 **Senshine:** im at the store right now but i can be over in like ten minutes?

 **Senshine:** if you’re serious about needing a hug or whatever

 **Xingbunny:** are you sure sehunnie you really dont have to

 **Senshine:** you said you needed a hug, didn’t you?

 **Jongdamn:** he did ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Senshine:** well im not particularly busy right now so i thought i would offer

 **Senshine:** since i’m nice like that

 **Xingbunny:** thank you sehunnie! you’re the best

 **Senshine:** yeah yeah i know

 **Senshine:** i wont be long

 **MommaBear:**...

 **Nini:** oh

 **Jongdamn:** oh indeed

 

\---

 

Private chat: **Jongdamn** and **Senshine**

 **Jong** **damn:** ┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴

 **Senshine:** you shut the fuck up

 **Jongdamn:** but i didn’t say anything sehunnie

 **Senshine:** you’re thinking it, it counts

 **Jongdamn:** i’m not thinking anything sehunnie

 **Senshine:** you can stop calling me that too

 **Jongdamn:** but yixing gets to call you it

 **Senshine:** that’s because yixing isn’t a pain in my ass

 **Jongdamn:** but you want him to be a pain in your ass, don’t you sehunnie ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Senshine:** hahaha gtg i’m at yixings

 **Jongdamn:** whipped **™**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing: Toben!

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Yeollie:** i want a dog

 **Yeollie:** dogs are cool

 **Yeollie:** i’m gonna go get a dog

 **Nini:** but aren’t you allergic?

 **Yeollie:** i’m in denial that’s what i am

 **MommaBear:** you know getting a dog won’t do you any good

 **MommaBear:** you’ll be ill all the time if you get one

 **Yeollie:** but myeeoonnnn

 **MommaBear:** no chanyeol, no dogs

 **Yeollie:** ಥ_ಥ

 **Nini:** you can come and visit mine though!

 **Nini:** i’m sure a one day visit wont do too much harm, and you’ll get to see doggies!

 **Satansoo:** wait why exactly are we trying to stop him?

 **Satansoo:** I think it sounds like a wonderful idea

 **Jongdamn:** jongin: *suggests spending time with someone that _isn’t_ kyungsoo*

 **Jongdamn:** kyungsoo: hahaha N O

 **Satansoo:** 凸(☉▵☉)凸

 **Nini:** wait what?

 **Jongdamn:** i

 **Jongdamn:** nothing, nini, nothing

 **Nini:** uh okay?

 **Yeollie:**...

 **Yeollie:** you really think so, soo?

 **Satansoo:** yeah of course, you love dogs

 **Satansoo:** dont let some little allergy stop you

 **MommaBear:** kyungsoo ಠ╭╮ಠ

 **Satansoo:** what? I’m just being a good friend

 **Jongdamn:** sounds fake but okay

 **Yeollie:** yeah, you’re right!

 **Yeollie:** i’m a grown man, i can do what i want and no one can stop me

 **Yeollie:** and if i want a dog then i’m gonna get a dog

 **Satansoo:** yeah! you go get that dog!

 **Yeollie:** yeah!

 **MommaBear:** …

 **Jongdamn:** …

 **Nini:** soo..

 **Satansoo:** yes? (◡‿◡✿)

 **MommaBear:** you know he’ll be ill constantly if he gets a dog, right?

 **Satansoo:** i do (◕‿◕✿)

 **Jongdamn:** you know people can die from allergies, right?

 **Satansoo:** even better (☉‿☉✿)

 

\---

 

 **Yeollie:** guuuuuyyysssss

 **MommaBear:** hello to you too

 **Nini:** hey yeol

 **Satansoo:** did you do it

 **Mommabear:** kyuNGSOO

 **Satansoo:** what? it’s just a question

 **MommaBear:** you’re lucky i love nini too much to hurt you

 **Satansoo:** im confused

 **Satansoo:** what does jongin have to do with you hurting me exactly?

 **Nini:** hahah myeon’s just saying i would worry if you got hurt

 **Satansoo:** why would you care if i got hurt?

 **Nini:** because you’re my friend, soo! why else would i worry?

 **Senshine:** yeah jongin, why else would you worry ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Nini:** i uh

 **Satansoo:**???????

 **Nini:** so chanyeol, did you decide on a dog?

 **Senshine:** (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

 **Satansoo:** i’m still confused

 **Yeollie:** EVERYONE MEET TOBEN

**Yeollie:**

**Nini:** P U P P Y

 **Satansoo:** that

 **Satansoo:** is one _tiny_ dog

 **Senshine:** yeah, it’s nearly as small as you

 **Satansoo:** remember that time you called me a midget and i was at your front door in under five minutes with a bat

 **Satansoo:** are you sure you want a repeat of that

 **Senshine:** you wouldn’t risk hurting yixing while trying, would you?

 **Satansoo:** do not underestimate the lengths i am willing to go, oh.

 **Nini:** OHYMGPDIT S A TINYPUPPY

 **Yeollie:** I KNOW OMyGOD

 **Nini:** YOUG OT APUPPY

 **Yeollie:** IDID

 **Nini:** CHANYEOL. GOT. A. PUPPY.

 **Yeollie:** CHANYEOL. GOT. A. PUPPY.

 **MommaBear:** aww it’s so cute

 **Yeollie:** oh my god myeon you have no idea

 **Nini:** KYUNGSOO LOOK AT IT

 **Nini:** ITS SO S M A L L

 **Nini:** sO CUTE

 **Senshine:** yeah, soo, look at the puppy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Satansoo:** haha you’re right nini, it is a pretty cute puppy

 **Senshine:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_p6fJ8Si0g ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_p6fJ8Si0g)

**Satansoo** : fight me, sehun, i dare you ( ⊙‿⊙ )

 **Senshine:** i fucking wisfdghhkhfdsakhf

 **MommaBear:** did sehun have a stroke?

 **Senshine** : hi soo it’s yixing

 **Senshine:** please don’t hurt sehunnie ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

 **Senshine:** i’ll talk to him but please don’t fight him

 **Nini:** yeah soo, please dont fight (ʘᗩʘ')

 **Satansoo:** alright alright give him his phone back

 **Senshine:** its sehun.

 **MommaBear:** which one of you exactly is the whipped one again?

 **Yeollie:** looks like both to me ngl

 **Senshine:** i like to think of it as being indefinitely kyungsoo immune

 **Satansoo:** some day you’ll mess with me and yixing won’t be there to save you

 **Senshine:** i know

 **Senshine:** but until then

 **Senshine:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Chapter 4

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Jongdamn:** henlo friendos i am back

 **MommaBear:** hello jongdae!

 **Satansoo:** well it was peaceful while it lasted

 **Senshine:** was it tho

 **Satansoo:** no i still want to kill you

 **Xingbunny:** soo (◕︵◕)

 **Satansoo:** i know i know don’t hurt _sehunnie_

 **Senshine:** ＼(￣▽￣;)／

 **Satansoo:** i will get you someday

 **Yeollie:** bROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Yeollie:** WHERE WERE U

 **Nini:** dae you missed the pUPPY

 **Jongdamn:** yeol actually got a puppy ??

 **Yeollie:** yES AND U MISSED HIM

 **Yeollie:** BC U WERENT HERE

 **Yeollie:** WHERE TF WERE U BRO

 **Jongdamn:** i got invited out

 **Yeollie:** by who exactly

 **Yeollie:** we are your only friends

 **Satansoo:** “friends”

 **Jongdamn:** that is where u r wrong kiddo

 **Yeollie:** ( ⚆ _ ⚆) o rly?

 **Jongdamn:** rly rly

 **Jongdamn:** [](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C-o5PSYVYAEhB8A.jpg)

**Xingbunny:** BAEKHYUNIE ( ◕3◕)

 **Mommabear:** oh hey that’s Minseok

 **Jongdamn:** wait

 **Jongdamn:** you know baekhyun and minseok?

 **Xingbunny:** THAT’S MY BAEKKIE

 **MommaBear:** sure i do, minseok and i went to college together (^-^)

 **Senshine:** who’s baekhyun????

 **Jongdamn:** real subtle sehun

 **Senshine:** (  ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

 **Yeollie:** i

 **Yeollie:** i didn’t know you had ‘other friends’

 **Nini:** i think he’s cheating on us

 **Yeollie:** how dARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, JONGDAE

 **Yeollie:** WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, WHAT ABOUT JONGIN

 **Satansoo:** when will my suffering end

 **Jongdamn:** don’t do this

 **Nini:** yeah jongdae what about me

 **Yeollie:** DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THEM JONGDAE?

 **Yeollie:** I BET YOU DIDNT

 **MommaBear:** ohmygod it’s a living nightmare

 **Yeollie:** YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF

 **Jongdamn:** yeol pls

 **Yeollie:** DON’T YOU ‘YEOL’ ME, YOU SNAKE

 **Senshine:** this is far too funny

 **Jongdamn:** chanyeollie, sweetest, how can i ever make it up to you?

 **Yeollie:** …

 **Yeollie:** add the cute one

 **Jongdamn:** to the chat?

 **Senshine:** cute one? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yeollie:** nO JONGDAE TO THE POT OF SOUP I’M MAKING

 **Yeollie:** YES, TO THE CHAT

 **Jongdamn:** okay okay dude chill

 **Jongdamn:** which one?

 **Yeollie:** the cute one

 **Yeollie:** with the red hair

 **Jongdamn:** ohohohoho ( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Jongdamn:** as you wish my friend

 **Xingbunny:** my baekkie is very cute, isn’t he? (✿◕‿◕✿)

 **Senshine:** _your_ baekkie?

 **Satansoo:** simmer down sehun

 **MommaBear:** add minseok too? i haven’t spoken to him in years

 **Jongdamn:** sure thing

 **Jongdamn** added **Baekbyuns** and **Minminnie** to the chat.

 **Baekbyuns:** hello I am the cute one

 **Yeollie:** dae..

 **Minminnie:** don’t worry, dae didn’t rat you out, baekhyun was reading the chat over his shoulder

 **Yeollie:** oh

 **MommaBear:** Hey minseok, it’s Junmyeon! Long time no see!

 **Minminnie:** damn wow now that i think about it, it has been a long time

 **Minminne:** how’ve you been holding up?

 **MommaBear:** barely been holding thanks to these idiots

 **Minminnie:** glad to be a part of it

 **MommaBear:** we’ll need to catch up properly sometime

 **Minminnie:** yeah, definitely!

 **Senshine:** ew it’s like watching parents talk

 **Xingbunny:** BAEKKIEE (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Baekbyuns:** XINGIEE ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 **Xingbunny:** I MISSED YOUUUUU

 **Baekbyuns:** I MISSED YOU TOOOOO

 **Satansoo:** and i think i might puke

 **Senshine:** think i might join you

 **Xingbunny:** oh are you okay sehunnie? do you feel sick? want me to come make you soup? i can give you cuddles too if you’re feeling bad (◕︿◕✿)

 **Senshine:** i

 **Senshine:** i’m okay xing, thank you (◡‿◡)

 **Jongdamn:** i cannot believe you turned that down, you sure you're feeling okay?

 **MommaBear:** may i also interject and point out that chanyeol has gone eerily silent

 **Yeollie:** hahaha i’m not silent

 **Yeollie:** i am fine **™**

 **Senshine:** sounds fake but okay

 **Yeollie:** oh so now you’re attacking me instead of sulking

 **Yeollie:** ok

 **Yeollie:** i see how it is (╥﹏╥)

 **Senshine:** bridge: build

 **Senshine:** jump: off

 **Baekbyuns:** don’t be mean to him (°ロ°)

 **Baekbyuns:** i mean, i’m sure he looks pretty when he cries but i’d prefer to find that out in other ways ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yeollie:** askgjhfdfjkdnaaa a

 **Senshine:** lmao oh boy

 **MommaBear:** yeol, are you okay?

 **Minminnie:** you just had to, didn’t you baek?

 **Baekbyuns:**  oops?

 **Satansoo:** is chanyeol choking

 **Satansoo:** i really hope he’s choking


	5. Chapter 5

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Baekbyuns:** hey quick question

 **Baekbyuns:** wouldn’t a life insurance company need to know if you’re kinky?

 **Baekbyuns:** asking for a friend

 **Yeollie:** oh

 **MommaBear:** why would you need to tell them?

 **Baekbyuns:** bdsm gone wrong is no laughing matter, junmyeon.

 **Jongdamn:** "hello this is life insurance how can i help you?"

 **Jongdamn:** "hey it's john I'm about to get choked the fuck up by my wife"

 **Jongdamn:**  "nice" 

 **Senshine:** well well well this is an interesting way to confess your kinks to us

 **Baekbyuns:** i’m asking for a _friend_

 **Baekbyuns:** but like they raise the amount for certain people so why not raise it for people into choking and all that shit?

 **Senshine:** well okay, is your _‘friend’_ into choking and all that shit?

 **Baekbyuns:** bitch he might be  

 **Yeollie:** oh

 **Jongdamn:** i think baekhyun broke chanyeol

 **Senshine:** thought we decided he was already broken? was hoping we could return him and get a new one

 **Jongdamn:** no i mean i’m at his apartment and he just stopped in the middle of the kitchen doorway staring at his phone, whispered “oh” and hasn’t moved since

 **MommaBear:** the poor boy is probably running a million fantasies in his head right now

 **Baekbyuns:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Jongdamn:** ew no

 **Jongdamn:** i’m gonna kick him in the shin

 **MommaBear:** hopefully it will _kickstart_ him back up

 **Yeollie:** hahahaha i’m fine please dont kick me

 **Yeollie:** also junmyeon never try to make a pun again

 **MommaBear:** the audacity of these kids :(((

 

\---

 

Groupchat: **Shit I’m gay**

 **Yeollie** added **Jongdamn** and **Senshine**

 **Yeollie:** shit i’m gay

 **Jongdamn:** and now something i don’t know?

 **Senshine:** ( ͡°( ͡° ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

 **Yeollie:** okay but are you two gonna keep being annoying shitbags

 **Yeollie:** or are you gonna hELP ME

 **Senshine:** i like the annoying shitbag option

 **Jongdamn:** yeah annoying sounds good

 **Yeollie:** please find the nearest cliff and throw yourself off it

 **Jongdamn:** okay friendo i’m going to stop you there

 **Jongdamn:** you’re sounding a bit murderous

 **Senshine:** sexual frustration does crazy things, dae

 **Jongdamn:** i wouldn’t know (✿◡‿◡)

 **Senshine:** excuse me?

 **Jongdamn:** you heard me

 **Senshine:** are you, kim jongdae, implying your sex life is actually _active?_

 **Jongdamn:** i’m not implying anything, oh sehun (✿◕‿◕)

 **Senshine:** (ಠ_ಠ)

 **Yeollie:** GUYS

 **Yeollie:** you’re supposed to be helping _me_

 **Jongdamn:** right yes, you’re gay, continue?

 **Yeollie:** w h a t d o i d o

 **Jongdamn:** what you do is

 **Senshine:** suck his dick

 **Jongdamn:** i was going to suggest something a little less forward but i guess that works too

 **Senshine:** oh it definitely works ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Jongdamn:** how do you know? you tried it on yixing yet?

 **Senshine:** how about your bitch ass fights me instead of being a dickweasel

 **Jongdamn:** nice

 **Senshine:** ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

 **Yeollie:** i don’t know why i even ask for your help anymore ( ༎ຶ Д ༎ຶ )

 

\---

 

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 **Nini:** i’m getting bubble tea, anyone wanna come?

 **Senshine:** hello i heard bubble tea

 **Jongdamn:** me and yeol can come

 **MommaBear:** i’m a bit busy but i could join you in maybe an hour?

 **Nini:** okay myeon, see you then ヽ(^◇^*)/

 **Baekbyuns:** i’m in

 **Baekbyuns:** i haven’t had bubble tea in ages

 **Minminnie:** that’s because it makes you high as shit, baekhyun

 **Baekbyuns:** boo you whore

 **Baekbyuns:** let me live my life

 **Minminnie:** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 **Baekbyuns:** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 **Minminnie:** i can’t make it btw, sorry

 **Minminnie:** my shift doesn’t end until 5pm щ(ಥДಥщ)

 **Jongdamn:** wait you got a job?

 **Minminnie:** yep, four days a week at starbucks

 **Senshine:** living the dream i see

 **Minminnie:** oh yeah, totally

 **Nini:** wait if you’re at work, how are you on your phone?

 **Minminnie:** i’m hiding in the back room pretending to search for more toffee syrup

 **Baekbyuns:** i want toffee now

 **Baekbyuns:** do they do toffee flavour tea?

 **Senshine:** maybe? i’m not actually sure

 **Jongdamn:** chanyeol says he’ll buy you a bag of toffees if they don’t

 **Baekbyuns:** my knight in shining armour

 **Senshine:** i think you mean your twat in tinfoil

 **Senshine:** also whipped™

 **Jongdamn:** “fuck you _sehunnie_ ” - chanyeol

 **Senshine:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Nini:** so is anyone else coming?

 **Nini:** soo?

 **Satansoo:** sorry nini, i can’t

 **Nini:** you sure? (◕︵◕)

 **Satansoo:** yeah, i’ve got this huge essay due in like two days

 **Satansoo:** maybe another time?

 **Nini:** okay (✿◡‿◡)

 **Satansoo:** i’ll make it up to you

 **Satansoo:** i promise

 **Senshine:** [ ](https://media.giphy.com/media/26xBI0mwTQj8IL6so/source.gif)

**Satansoo:** please don’t make me break all your fingers

 **Jongdamn:** speaking of gay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Jongdamn:** @Xingbunny you coming?

 **Senshine:** jongdae end yourself

 **Xingbunny:** i’m sure i could make some time for bubble tea (✿◠‿◠)

 **Jongdamn:** great! you and sehun live close, why don’t you walk together and we’ll meet you there?

 **Senshine:** it’s like you’re asking me to punch you

 **Jongdamn:** are you telling me you _don’t_ want to walk with yixing?

 **Xingbunny:** sehunnie? (◕︿◕✿)

 **Senshine:** no!

 **Senshine:** i mean

 **Senshine:** of course i want to walk with you, xing! dae is just pushing a joke a bit too far

 **Jongdamn:** now who’s whipped™

 **Senshine:** dont make me hurt you

 **Jongdamn:**  maybe i'm into it

 **Jongdamn:** and i have life insurance (✿☉‿☉)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is such a crappy chapter i'm sorry)

Groupchat:  **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 

**MommaBear:** well that was a disaster

**Jongdamn:** i had a great time idk what you’re talking about 

**Yeollie:** yeah it was awesome, had loads of fun

**Jongdamn:** was that because of the bubble tea or the baekhyun on your lap the entire time?

**Yeollie:** both?

**Baekbyuns:** what can i say? he may be lanky, but he’s comfy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Yeollie:** well you can sit on me any time you want ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Baekbyuns:** does that offer apply to more than just your lap? say.. your face? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Yeollie:** brb need a cold shower ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Baekbyuns:**  maybe i could join you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Jongdamn:** ew ew ew stop ohmygod

**MommaBear:** please delete me from life 

**MommaBear:** i want deleted from life please

**MommaBear:** remind me never to hang out with any of you ever again plsnthx

**Baekbyuns:** junmyeon i’m offended

**Senshine:** maybe he’s still pissy because he embarrassed himself in front of that super tall dude?

**MommaBear:** hey no 

**MommaBear:** leave kris out of this 

**MommaBear:** leave  _ me  _ out of this

**MommaBear:** i’ve been victimised enough

**Jongdamn:** you actually remembered his name?

**MommaBear:** of course i remembered his name! 

**Jongdamn:** that’s.. sad 

**Xingbunny:** ignore them myeon

**Xingbunny:** i think it’s sweet (✿◠‿◠)

**MommaBear:** thank you yixing, this is why you’re my favourite

**Senshine:** no xing, i’ll tell you what’s sweet

**Yeollie:** when the super tall guy asked what he wanted and myeon replied with “choke me daddy” ??

**Senshine:** yep, that’s the one 

**MommaBear:** and that’s why you two are my  _ least  _ favourite 

**Jongdamn:** no fair i thought i was your least favourite 

**MommaBear:** only when you’re drunk 

**Jongdamn:** oh okay so i only matter when it benefits you

**Jongdamn:** i see how it is

**Yeollie:** lmao myeon loves me less than u 

**MommaBear:** why would you want that? 

**Yeollie:** don’t question me 

**Jongdamn:** hey no you can shut up chanyeol 

**Jongdamn:** you spent the entire time trying not to pop a boner over baekhyun

**Yeollie:** you leave me and my boner out of this

**Baekbyuns:** is he not allowed to appreciate pretty things? (✿ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**Jongdamn:** not in _public_ with  his _ dick _

**Baekbyuns:** shame

 

\---

 

Private chat:  **Satansoo** and  **Senshine**

 

**Satansoo:** okay listen up 

**Satansoo:** i’m going to ask for your help and you’re going to give me a reasonable, non ridiculous answer and then we are never going to speak of this again unless you want me to coat your underwear in chili powder

**Senshine:** i’m listening 

**Satansoo:** you know jongin better than most people

**Satansoo:** where should i take him to make up for skipping out on bubble tea

**Senshine:** kyungsoo, are you asking me for  _ dating  _ advice?

**Satansoo:** i’ve already bought the chili powder

**Satansoo:** don’t make me use it 

**Senshine:** alright alright hang on let me think

**Satansoo:** i’m waiting

**Senshine:** well everyone knows he loves dogs so you could take him to a dog park or something?

**Satansoo:** that could work maybe

**Satansoo:** wouldn’t it be a bit tacky though? i was thinking i could take him for dinner or something 

**Satansoo:** maybe to a nice restaurant? 

**Senshine:** if you wanna be cliche then sure go for it 

**Senshine:** honestly kyungsoo, the only things jongin loves more than dogs are fried chicken and you

**Satansoo:** oh

**Senshine:** listen, take him to the dog park then a chicken restaurant

**Senshine:** i can assure you he would love it 

**Satansoo:** well okay then 

**Satansoo:** uh

**Senshine:** you’re welcome 

**Satansoo:** yeah 

**Senshine:** oh and one more thing

**Satansoo:** please don’t ruin this, it went so well 

**Senshine:** don’t forget the condoms ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Satansoo:** why do you have to ruin it every time 

**Senshine:** WRAP IT BEFORE YOU WHACK IT, KIDS

 

\---

 

Private chat:  **Satansoo** and  **Nini**

**Satansoo:** uh hey 

**Satansoo:** so i said i would make it up to you for cancelling on you and i was thinking about how i could make it up to you and i was wondering if you were free this week 

**Satansoo:** i mean only if you want to haha

**Satansoo:** we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to

**Satansoo:** i just thought it would be a good idea since i owe it to you 

**Satansoo:** so if you want to then we could meet up or something 

**Satansoo:** you probably don’t want to though, right?

**Satansoo:** i mean i did cancel on you so you should probably be mad at me or something 

**Satansoo:** i just 

**Satansoo:** if you’re not mad at me or anything then we should go somewhere

**Satansoo:** not like a date though haha 

**Satansoo:** that would be weird wouldn’t it? 

**Satansoo:** so yeah 

**Satansoo:** just 

**Satansoo:** reply whenever you can? 

**Satansoo:** if you want to i mean 

 

\---

 

Private chat:  **Satansoo** and  **Senshine**

 

**Satansoo:** do you crave death?

**Satansoo:** i crave death

**Senshine:** did you ask him?

**Satansoo:** i guess you could call it that

**Senshine:** it can’t have gone that badly, could it? 

**Satansoo:** oh trust me 

**Satansoo:** it couldn’t have gone worse

**Senshine:** you’re saying he said no?

**Satansoo:** nonono

**Satansoo:** i’m saying i spammed him with 16 messages and he hasn’t replied yet

**Senshine:** okay yeah that’s a little bad

**Senshine:** but honestly, what’s the worst he could do in response? turn you down?

**Satansoo:** he could actually  _ read the messages? _

**Senshine:** i’m sure you will be fine, oh little ball of seething hatred

**Satansoo:** i want to say sounds fake but okay 

**Satansoo:** but it’s not okay, sehun 

**Satansoo:** IT’S NOT OKAY 

 

\---

 

Private chat:  **Satansoo** and  **Nini**

 

**Nini:** i would love to go out with you, soo!

**Nini:** i mean 

**Nini:** i want to hang out with you 

**Nini:** yeah that’s what i meant 

**Nini:** not like a date thing 

**Nini:** haha

**Nini:** when were you thinking?

**Satansoo:** ALSKIWRHBEBKDFGGGG

**Nini:** um soo? 

**Nini:** is everything okay? 

**Satansoo:** yeah uh i just 

**Satansoo:** stopped breathing 

**Satansoo:** and dropped my phone on my face 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo haven't updated in forever and this is crap™

Private chat: **Nini** and **Mommabear**

 

 **Nini:** junmYEON (◉Д◉)

 **Mommabear:** whAT (◉Д◉)

 **Nini:** KYUNGSOOASKEDMETOHANGOUT

 **Mommabear:** WHAT

 **Nini:** KYUNGSOOASKEDMETOGOOUTWITHHIM

 **Mommabear:** AS IN A DATE?

 **Nini:** well

 **Nini:** no

 **Nini:** BUT HE SAYS IT’S A SURPRISE AND THAT IT INVOLVES THINGS I LOVE

 **Mommabear:** ooooh

 **Mommabear:** did he say anything else?

 **Nini:** just that i don’t need to worry about money

 **Nini:** and that i can take my dogs if i want to??

 **Mommabear:** that sounds kinda like a date to me

 **Mommabear:** a date plus dogs

 **Mommabear:** nice

 **Nini:** it isn’t a date myeon

 **Nini:** he doesn’t like me like that :(((

 **Mommabear:** i swear to god i’m going to hit you both

 **Nini:** what?

 **Mommabear:** you both are blind as fUCK (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

 **Nini:** i’d be offended if i understood what you were talking about

 **Mommabear:** he’s been pining after you for so long and it’s so damn obvious you like him back and neither of you cAN SEE IT I AM FRUSTRATE

 **Nini:** kyungsoo likes me?

 **Mommabear:** YES BOY YES

 **Nini:** i just

 **Nini:**  why would he ever like me? he's so beautiful and amazing and perfect and i'm so scrawny and lanky and just

 **Nini:** i don’t see it? :((((

 **Mommbear:** you will someday nini

 **Nini:** you think so?

 **Mommabear:** i know so

 

\--- 

 

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 

 **Jongdamn:** okay, story time

 **Xingbunny:** ooh stories!

 **Mommabear:** I’m listening

 **Senshine:** I sure do love me some story time

 **Jongdamn:** so i’m sat on chanyeol’s couch right

 **Yeollie:** don’t expose me like this

 **Minminnie:** why does it always start with chanyeol?

 **Mommabear:** it’s chanyeol, what do you expect?

 **Yeollie:** i’m rIGHT HERE

 **Senshine:** and we’re ignoring you

 **Jongdamn:** Right so baek’s here too so i’m pretty much just a third wheel but it’s whatever that’s not my point

 **Jongdamn:** out of nowhere baek manages to throw his drink literally e v e r y w h e r e

 **Jongdamn:** yells “fuck me”

 **Mommabear:** i see where this is going and i don’t like it one bit

 **Yeollie:** listen

 **Jongdamn:** and i shit you not i’ve never seen chanyeol run into a room so fast

 **Minminnie:** sigh

 **Senshine:** what a thirsty, thirsty boy

 **Yeollie:** shut up sehun you cant talk

 **Yeollie:** you cream your pants every time yixing smiles at you

 **Senshine:** choKe

 **Yeollie:** i dont need to know your kinks thanks

 **Mommabear:** children please behave

 **Jongdamn:** cue yixing

 **Xingbunny:** oh um

 **Jongdamn:** lmao shit that actually worked

 **Minminnie:** *sips tea*

 **Mommabear:** actually ignore me, please continue

 **Mommabear:** this just got interesting

 **Xingbunny:** what’s he talking about sehunnie??

 **Senshine:** hahaha

 **Xingbunny:**???

 **Senshine:** i feel like i should explain but death is so tempting rn

 **Minminnie:** explaining first might help

 **Jongdamn:** you not wanna tell yixing about your little crush sehunnie? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Senshine:** brb just gonna jump off a cliff

 **Senshine:** chanyeol, jongdae i’m taking you with me

 **Yeollie:** sorry can't got stuff to do

 **Jongdae:** I didn't know baek changed his name to ‘stuff’

 **Senshine:** both of you cHOKE

 **Xingbunny:** sehunnie i’m still confused

 **Senshine:** and confused you shall stay my beautiful boy

 

\---

 

Private chat: **Satansoo** and **Nini**

 

 **Satansoo:** hey nini

 **Satansoo:** you almost ready?

 **Nini:** yep! Just getting the dogs sorted (✿◠‿◠)

 **Satansoo:** aha good, i’m waiting outside

 **Nini:** why are you waiting outside? You can come in!

 **Satansoo:** oh no it’s okay, you won’t be long anyway, right?

 **Nini:** well no but still

 **Nini:** come in! Jjanggu and Jjangah wont let me catch them so i might be a while ಥ_ಥ

 **Satansoo:** really jongin, it’s okay

 **Nini:** soo

 **Nini:** please come help me catch them (╥﹏╥)

 **Satansoo:** i

 **Nini:** pllleeeaaseee soooo

 **Satansoo:** okay nini i’m coming

 

\---

 

Groupchat: **Dank memes 4 edgy teens**

 

 **Baekbyuns:** yeol did you see that

 **Yeollie:** baek i did 

 **Minminnie:** are you both texting while stood right next to each other?

 **Baekbyuns:** bitch what if we are

 **Minminnie:** that’s lame

 **Baekbyuns:** uR LAME

 **Yeollie:** he just whined and stomped his feet like a child i am sOFT

 **Xingbunny:** i think it’s cute (✿◡‿◡)~★

 **Baekbyuns:** ily xingie

 **Xingbunny:** ily too baekkie

 **Senshine:** watch yourself baekhyun

 **Yeollie:** don’t threaten my squishy

 **Jongdamn:** not to call myself out or anything but we literally do the same thing all the time minnie

 **Minminnie:** shut

 **Minminnie:** the fuck

 **Minminnie:** your face

 **Senshine:** okay firstly minseok what the fuck

 **Senshine:** second am i the only one that wants to know what chanbaek saw?

 **Xingbunny:**  i wanna know too!

 **Yeollie:** what’s a chanbaek?

 **Jongdamn:** you and baekhyun’s ship name

 **Senshine:** because we ship you

 **Jongdamn:** everyone ships you

 **Senshine:** but like

 **Senshine:** Not In My Back Yard™

 **Yeollie:** you ship us?

 **Baekbyuns:** but we’re not dating?

 **Yeollie:** oh

 **Baekbyuns:** i mean

 **Baekbyuns:** unless you want to?

 **Senshine:** listen lovebirds

 **Senshine:** sort out your mutual pining later

 **Senshine:** tell papi sehun what you saw

 **Minminnie:** i am also a curious bean

 **Xingbunny:**  curious bean #2 here :OOO

 **Baekbyuns:** alright boys

 **Yeollie:** listen up

 **Baekbyuns:** we just saw

 **Yeollie:** kyungsoo

 **Baekbyuns:** going into

 **Yeollie:** jongin’s apartment

 **Jongdamn:** they gon FUCC

 **Mommabear:** my mom senses were tingling i am here

 **Minminnie:**!!!

 **Jongdamn:** jfc junmyeon how do you do that

 **Yeollie:** yer a wizard junmyeon

 **Mommabear:** i’m a what

 **Yeollie:** A WIZARD

 **Mommabear:** A WHAT?!

 **Yeollie:** A WIZARD JUNMYEON

 **Senshine:** please stop for the love of god

 **Mommabear:** sorry hunnie

 **Mommabear:** so, what’s this i hear about kyungsoo and jongin

 **Jongdamn:** I repeat: they gon FUCC

 **Mommabear:** :OOOO

 **Mommabear:** WRAP IT BEFORE YOU WHACK IT, KIDS

 **Senshine:** bitch stole my line???

**Author's Note:**

> updates will be hella irregular so please bear with me ;;;;--;;;;


End file.
